Sunday, March 24, 2013

My Worlds Collide


                 Many times over my Native traditionalist perspective and life not only crosses paths with my very modern one, but they often collide.  You all hear me talk all the time about merging these two perspectives and ways of living, not easy by the way.  I am left wondering, does it ever get any easier?  As things are ramping up with the birth center, my time has become more and more limited.  Gone are the hours to write, read, and sort through the many ideas that float through my mind.  Hello schedule!  Thankfully, I have had the wonderful opportunity to be apart of some amazing talking, planning, and thinking sessions.  Let me tell you, there is some amazing work being done in Native American communities.  It's nice to know that I am in good company and that somehow this network of innovative thinkers and doers have welcomed me with open arms. However, now is the time to leave the talking aside and put these ideas on the ground.
           It is here that I find myself, after months of talking up a storm about traditional birth practices, merging traditional healing ways and knowing, and developing a wellness model, the time has come to do it.  However, my problem now is my time is so limited.  I'm actually in the process of writing a grant to support future talking circles and to aid in the development of this wellness model that is so needed.  I find myself serving on several health boards and student development boards, but I am also being pulled away from the work that really matters to me.  This too, I will have to eventually find a balance.  

Our elders call this "Hózhó" which translates into living in a manner that works towards creating and maintaing balance, harmony, beauty, and order. 

               This is actually a central thread of Navajo philosophy and a way of life I strive to live by.  However, straddling the two worlds and it feels at times, time zones is not easy.  I yearn to spend time with a traditional Navajo healer, learn more of my traditional language and songs, as well as spend time discussing our life ways.   Time is precious.  I think eventually I will give myself up completely to this way of life, I just wonder at what point when this will occur and when will my teacher be revealed to me.  If you want to know my happy place, it is when the sun is rising, I have my corn meal in my right hand, and my silent prayer to the holy people is being whispered into the early morning sounds of a new day.  It's not the idea of power, money, influence, or any of those egotistical signs that you as a professional have made it.  This still continues to be a misunderstanding for those who don't know me well, I use my education to make a difference and hopefully to assist in bringing people together.
                 On another note, I often wonder if I will be able to continue to keep up this blog.  I'm committed to sharing my experiences with a wider audience, however I hope to eventually pass this onto another  Native woman and possible midwife.  If there is anything I have learned, I can't possible shoulder this alone.  Furthermore, it's time to starting doing, rather then planning to do....